Why I Pray In The Shower

Although I wrote in a previous post how I was beginning to stay away from any form of debate in my life and move on to what I know brings me more happiness, I am admitting here that just last night I still somehow managed to get involved in a major one. What began as an attempt to help a parent better understand why one of their adult children is going through some emotional troubles, quickly turned into quite a bit more than a simple debate with them over whether or not our childhood and adolescence effects us as adults.  Not only was my view on this which I will get to shortly, in total disagreement with them, but the way I went about it eventually seemed more like an attack from me than my view and understandably upset them. I was later reassured that this would in no way jeopardize our recently formed friendship, but this was definitely not how I wanted the evening to go and it is surely not the way to help anyone. I also realize that not everyone needs to look at their past for answers to any emotional troubles they face as adults or that “all” of our troubles are a result of a bad childhood. I do believe however, that by looking at our past and talking to someone we have full trust in about what we experienced as a child and a teenager whether real or perceived, can and often does lead to answers that helps us to better understand any emotional troubles we experience as adults. This can be self made troubles or ones that can come from chemical imbalances in the brain, but make no mistake about it if left untreated by medication, some type of therapy or both, things will often never get better until we at least attempt to eliminate any possible childhood causation, whether it be some type of emotional trauma, abuse, neglect, or as I mentioned simply perceived.  The thing I need to remember though, is that no matter how much I may disagree with someone else on any matter, it’s not up to me to convince them that I’m right.  I just feel in my heart that what ever the reason some of us end up with emotional troubles in our adulthood, whether it leads to alcohol and drug abuse, having trouble holding down a job, reckless or unwise decision making, or any other actions that brings us emotional pain and unhappiness in life. Somewhere inside of us there lies the answers as to why we feel the fears, insecurities, and negative emotions we do, and these things most certainly take root in our childhood, grow in our teenage years, and for some us without help, can remain throughout adulthood. Our childhood and teenage years can of course also be a great asset in helping us be well in life, but for those who have grown up filled with feelings of unhappiness, ones of hopelessness, a sense of worthlessness, or any type of fears and insecurities,  I just want to say I understand and my heart goes out to you. I do however, also need to learn when to hit the “off switch” when trying to help others understand their loved ones emotional problems or for that matter anyone I’m trying to help, and remember although I have helped many people in my life and feel a compelling passion to do so, I’m not an expert on certain matters. Not only does not knowing when to hit the off switch hurt peoples feelings, but it can put up a wall that prevents me from ever helping them in the future. I did at least make amends right away last night and will use this experience to continue to grow as a person in effort to be who I say I am and not be who I was last night when I turned a simple debate into something much more.

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Tags: argument, bad childhoods, debate, insecurities, self worth

I use to worry about telling people my views on religion because I didn’t want to offend anyone or scare someone away in AA that wanted my help. This has changed however, as I find most people are going to believe what they want to when it comes to there being a god or not.  Although I believe in a Creator I call God and don’t believe in a devil or Hell, I refuse to argue with others about their beliefs or religion and truly want people to believe in what ever they want to.  This is because I have met good people who have done good things in their life and some were religious and some were atheists and agnostics.  All of this actually makes me think of  the question I use to see on T-shirts and bumper stickers, “What would Jesus do?” I think Jesus was a person who like spiritual leaders before and after him, realized his calling and knew he had the ability to “do”, “feel”, and “believe” that which he could not before and wouldn’t have argued about who was right or wrong. I first learned about this ability to do, feel, and believe that which we couldn’t before, in the Twelfth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was being used to describe what a “Spiritual Awakening” may be.  I personally have experienced a Spiritual Awakening by practicing The Twelve Steps of AA, but I do have my days when I let the outer world affect me.  There is just so much coming at us today, that it sometimes can “block” our ability to do, feel, and believe that which we couldn’t before. Although I am usually happy and optimistic, sometimes the “extreme and negative changes” that have taken place in our world causes my fears, insecurities, and negative emotions to rise to the surface and make me unhappy.  Fortunately I’ve learned to use this unhappiness to motivate me to “do” what ever I can to rebound by practicing  love, kindness, understanding, and tolerance towards others. Try to “feel” everything’s going to be all right even though it isn’t. And “believe” in a Creator I call God.  Although I may let this world affect me at times I inevitably remember who, through what I call a Spiritual Awakening I have become, and this along with my belief in a Creator fills me with an inner joy that’s different from any other happiness I experience.

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Tags: agnosticism, atheism, creator, god, religion, spiritual awakenings

It took awhile, but I learned to work through any negative or unwanted events that happen in my life, and to be grateful for the many good things in it. As a result, these types of events don’t bother me like they use to, and I rarely ever experience them anymore. I hope, however, that I never have to go through any of the tragic and often traumatic events that some people do. I have met those though, who have actually grown stronger as a result of their experience. The reason for this I have found, is that somewhere along the way they got the help they needed to find happiness in their lives again. Although seeking help can be hard for some people, the choice to be happy again can be even harder. As I said though, these people did make a choice to be happy again. They also maintain a greater sense of gratefulness for things they use to take for granted. I want to thank them because their stories give me hope that if I ever had too, I could also get through a tragedy in my life and be as happy as I possibly could be, and for that I am grateful.

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Tags: faith, gratefulness, strength, tragedy

I wrote in my book how even though I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally,  I still do things I don’t like myself  for. And although I can honestly say I have made great strides in “not” doing things that make me feel bad and not like myself for, I still do. I realize however, that I’m not perfect and never will be.  I also realize it is actually imperfection that has shown me the way to happiness. Without the wrongs I’ve done in the past and the unhappiness they brought, I wouldn’t know how great it feels when I do something good in my life.   And without the sometimes negative behaviors I can still display, I wouldn’t know how good it feels when I act in a more positive and loving way.  Without the negative we can’t experience the positive, but we can limit the negative by trying to be a better a person than we were before. I know that by practicing love, kindness, understanding, and tolerance it not only makes me feel happier in life,  but helps others feel happier too.   And I know how “not” doing this makes myself and others feel. I believe however, that as long as I keep practicing these four things as best as I can each day. Not only will  I continue to love myself unconditionally, but begin to love others unconditionally as well.

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Tags: addiction, alcoholism, kindness, love, negativity, tolerance, true happiness, understanding others