Why I Pray In The Shower

I’ve learned that I can’t be everything to everyone, and that not everyone is going to like me. I want people to like me of course, but I I’ve grown enough as a person and on a spiritual level where I no longer need everyone to like me. I will say, however, that I wish I could be everything to everyone in the sense of being able to help them. The love I feel inside for people has grown even stronger over the past year, and I honestly wish I could help everyone who needs it.  The truth is though, that some people don’t feel they need help in life, or are too proud to ask for it. There are those who depend on drugs to help them feel better about themselves and life. And people who act out in different ways in an attempt to feel important in life. There are people living in poverty, people living in loneliness, and people who aren’t sure what to do in life, or what it’s about. I could go on, but you get my point. As I said, I’ve learned I can’t be everything to everybody, and I know I can’t save the world, but there is one thing I can do and do it well when I try. I can be an example of someone who tries to love others.  I can show kindness toward people, even when I don’t want to. I can try to understand others, and at the very least, I can practice tolerance toward those I don’t like. I can also be an example of someone who has found a way to love themselves and is happy with who they are. Through my actions and behaviors, I can show people that there are those who still care about the important things in life, and who also cares about them. I know this to be true, because I have led my life like this for a long time. Not perfectly mind you. I still do things I don’t like myself for, and I have to fight some days to practice the things I speak of here, but I do my best to be a good person each day. No matter if I fail at times, or if I feel like it doesn’t matter, I never give up trying to love people, and if they want me to, help them find their way in life.

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Tags: growth, helping others, loving others, Spirituality

The first hint I had that I was beginning to love myself unconditionally was in 2007. For years into my sobriety, I would beat myself up whenever I didn’t behave in a kind or tolerant manner toward someone in certain circumstances, especially my wife. I wrote about learning to love myself unconditionally in my book and of my hope to love others the same way. Much has happened since my book went off to the editor in 2008, and all of it has helped me to come closer to fulfilling my goal. As a matter of fact, there are some people in my life that I can honestly say I put no conditions on when it comes to loving them. My son and daughter are two of these people, and although my mother passed away in June of this year, I loved her, and still love my father unconditionally as well. As far as my wife goes, I like to say she is my last hurdle at learning to love others unconditionally. I honestly do try to find something to love in everyone I meet; however, it’s much easier to love a person unconditionally when you’re not around them all the time. Of course there are those people who have done horrible things that I don’t love, but I try not to hate them because it hurts me emotionally and spiritually. Hate is a strong word for me, but there was a time when I actually hated myself for some of the things I did in my drinking days. Fortunately in my sobriety as I begin to see myself as a good person I would eventually love myself, and it became easier to love others as well. Today my behaviors are on par with my belief of practicing love, kindness, understanding, and tolerance toward others, but I have had my bouts with anger and resentment recently. The important thing through this time, however, was that although I felt the way I did, I also practiced love, kindness, and understanding toward myself. I simply remembered my behaviors weren’t who I was, and how important forgiveness is. There was still no excuse for my behaviors as a result of my anger and resentment, but I truly believe if I hadn’t maintained an unconditional love for myself, the anger and resentment would have been far worse.  It was by loving myself that I began to love others, and I now believe it was through loving myself unconditionally that I was able to make advancements in loving other unconditionally too. As I said though, a lot has happened since 2008, but all of it helped me see where I need to grow and be the person I say I am.

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Tags: loving ourself, personal growth, spiritual growth, unconditional love

Sometimes my open and friendly manner can be misunderstood, and on some occasions even unwanted. Thankfully, there are people that like my behavior and many of them respond in kind. I realize we live in a word where fears and insecurity can make people more reserved in their attempts to connect with others, but it can actually do someone good to see a smile and a little friendliness now and then.  When someone smiles back at me, or responds to my friendliness it makes me feel good, and I know I reached that person in some way. Trying to connect with others through a smile, friendliness, and even a little humor may not always be well received, but it shouldn’t stop us from continuing to try. For example, I may be misunderstood at times, but when I do connect with someone the feeling I get makes it worth my efforts. I know I leave that person thinking the world isn’t so bad and that there are still people who care, because I go away feeling the same way.

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Tags: behavior, connectedness, friendliness, openess

I was asked recently by someone who read my book what I mean exactly when I say I believe everything will be all right even when it’s not. What the person was really getting at was what about if things won’t be all right, what then?  First, let me say that I do realize how some things may never be all right with those who have experienced a devastating tragedy in their lives, but I wrote in an earlier post “A Reason For Everything” that I know people who have gone through some awful things in life, and are as happy as they can be despite them. As far as lesser, but still sometimes disturbing things that can happen to us, let me say this. I believe everything will be all right when I’m experiencing something I don’t want to, because I’ve learned that I can eventually be all right. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel fear, or that I don’t worry about things through those times, but I have learned that I can either try to grow stronger through adverse circumstances, or as I read in the AA literature a long time ago, simply fall by the wayside. Now I’m not saying I know for sure that I could be all right in any circumstance like losing a child or a grandchild mind you, and I must add that I believe statistically my children and grandchildren will long out live me, but nevertheless some personal things I experienced just this year have been quite trying, and one of them may never be completely resolved. Fortunately, I’ve learned if I use these types of experiences to my advantage; they will help me grow as a person, and also believe even more in something that created life and the Universe for a reason. I do this by praying to this creator I call God, talking to someone I trust when I need to, maintaining hope that things will turn out all right, and tell myself that I will get through them no matter what, and also be all right. As a result, I can say that even with unwanted or unresolved circumstances in my life, I can be happy.  This is one thing that I know for sure I am capable of as long as I don’t allow myself to fall by the wayside like I did so many times in my drinking days. What if things won’t be all right like the person who read my book was asking? As I said, it’s about learning with help along the way that we can eventually be all right even in troubled times. Below is something I wrote over six years ago that’s in the first chapter of my book. At that time I had a lot of doubts and fears in my life. My book wasn’t even close to being finished, and my future was quite uncertain.

“Fear that I have because of doubt. Doubt that when things aren’t going well in my life, they won’t change for the better. And doubt that faith in God will help me get through it. I should know better about having any doubts though, because the last nine years have shown me things will always get better and that faith in some sort of God has been helping me all along. The last nine years were spent using this faith in God to change doubt into hope, and hope into belief. Belief that everything will be all right even when it’s not, because I know I will be all right even when I’m not. Today I know I can eventually stop feeling worried and afraid no matter what my circumstances are, not only by praying, but believing there’s a reason for everything and that God gave me the ability to be happy—something I wasn’t during most of my life because of all my fears and my drinking.”

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Tags: a reason for everything, faith, fear, Happiness, Living